A middle manager's guide to mediocrity...

I think I'm going to write a book.  I'm going to call it, "A Middle Manager's Guide to Mediocrity." 

This is triggered by the fact that I just finished reading "Lean In," by Sheryl Sandberg.  You'll be happy to note dear readers, that I did not dent my wall when I flung the book across the room after I finished it.  Actually, I didn't fling the book either.  I would never do that to a library book. 

http://www.amazon.com/Lean-In-Women-Work-Will/dp/0385349947

Anyway, I finished it, and as a working momma, took several hours to digest the fact that this woman, with her dual Harvard degrees, privileged upbringing, and her humongous house expects me to find solidarity in her statement that if I just worked a little harder, and paid a little more attention to my career, I too could find success in my job, and be among the high profile professional women out there.



Anyway, Sheryl seems to think that if I'd just sit at the table with the big boys, and focus on the job, I'd be happier, and more successful.  I call shenanigans.  For all that I'm good at my job, I don't really like it that much.  If I had the option, I'd stay home and take my kiddo to the park all day every day, and be perfectly happy doing it.  Since that isn't an option, I work.  I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful nanny - my momma - best person I can possibly think of to watch after kiddo if the honey and I can't, and he goes to baby school twice a week at a church daycare with some lovely ladies.  So it's not the fact that I couldn't stay and work 50-60 hours a week to impress the CEO with my dedication, it's that I don't want to. 


 Here's the thing - I am darn good at my job.  Yes, it frustrates me to no end some days, but I am very, very good at what I do.  I also work in  a very specialized field, in a position that is traditionally held by men.  Let me put it this way, I wear steel toe boots to work every day.  My job does not now, and never will pay what a CEO's job will pay, but I don't aspire to that.  I just aspire to make enough money to pay the bills, and have a little left over at the end of each month after putting money in kiddo's college fund to save toward a vacation, or a new pair of shoes.  The honey and I are not extravagant people, and we don't live a jet setting lifestyle, and I'm OK with that.  That isn't to say that we don't budget, - of course we do.  In fact, I think most folks would probably describe our household budget as tight or frugal.  We're working on paying off our school debt so I can think about reducing my work hours so I can spend more time with kiddo and the honey.   

Maybe if I'd gone to the Ivy League school that I was accepted too and couldn't attend because of financial issues, instead of the perfectly respectable, well ranked state college that I ended up at I'd feel differently.  Or maybe if I were willing to sacrifice feeding kiddo dinner every night, and having trucks and snuggle time, or didn't value spending weeknights talking to the honey, or hanging out with the rest of my friends and family, I'd feel differently. 

As it is, I go to work because they pay me.  I do the job, because they pay me.  I don't particularly care about the technical documents that I write or the reports I submit to regulatory agencies.  I just care enough to make sure they are done correctly, because, I'm beginning to sound like a broken record here, they pay me. 

If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't.  This isn't my first choice.  But I would never ever, presume to try to speak for other working women, and tell them that if they just worked a little harder, and made a couple more sacrifices, they too could do my job.  Because to be honest, I'd love to have Sheryl Sandberg, wear her Louboutins and try to keep up with me for one day.  I'd crush those tiny little stilletos under the heels of my Redwings without even trying. 

The Low Maintenance Gal's Guide to Gift Giving - For Guys.

Let me preface this by saying that I think I'm low maintenance.  I very well may be the worst type as described by When Harry Met Sally - The dreaded high maintenance type that thinks they are low maintenance.  But regardless.  This advice stems from a conversation with the honey the other day.  It pre-supposes that you are married with at least 1 kiddo and on a fairly tight budget - so think accordingly. 

1)  I don't expect a present for every holiday.  I do however, expect recognition of said holidays.  A hug, and a "I love you so much, Happy XYZ Holiday," will do wonders for me.  Because I love you too, and I'd rather have recognition than the feeling that I am taking away from kiddo's college fund, or the new lawn mower fund.     

2)  That said, if you do want to give a present,  a present of time is a wonderful gift.  If my honey said to me, "I love you so much, Happy XYZ Holiday, I cleaned all the bathrooms in the house and waxed all the hardwood floors, and washed the windows"  I would be exceptionally happy.  Quick note, if the bathroom cleaning and hardwood floor waxing is something you normally do instead of me, it's not that much of a present.  However, if hardwood floor waxing is on my chore list...  You get the idea.

3)  The holidays I expect you to recognize for me are as follows:  Valentine's day, our anniversary, my birthday, mother's day, and Christmas.  Your particular days may vary depending on your nationality / creed / veteran status.  Also, not all holidays are created equal.  Anniversary, birthday, mother's day and Christmas  are all the really important ones - for me anyway.  Flowers or a hug are acceptable for anything else.  Flowers and a hug are also acceptable for the aforementioned. 

As a quick note, push presents for future kiddos are not expected, needed or really even wanted.  However, if there's a family heirloom like the ring my momma gave me after the captain was born that you'd be interested in passing down, I'd treasure it, and make sure that potential future kiddo number 2 was the future recipient.    Also, flowers, see Number 9...

4)  The holidays I expect you to recognize for our kiddo - Well, actually, I like shopping for kiddo - so don't worry about this one.  However, I expect you not to quibble when I want to put together an Easter Basket for The Captain. 

5)  Never under estimate the power of a bottle of wine and a meal cooked together.  My favorite anniversary we have spent together consisted of putting kiddo to bed, cracking open a bottle of red wine, and making steaks and salads together. 

6)  For whatever reason, special dates ending in 5s are more important.  Five year anniversary, 40 birthday, etc.  B's rule of thumb, if the date is something corresponding to a high school reunion that you'd think about attending for more than 5 seconds, I'd like it if you could spend a little more thought on it. 

7)  If you decide you want to buy a present - Experiences are more special to me than physical things.  My favorite birthday present ever was the year my honey bought me a chain to hang my wedding ring (I was pregnant, fat, and couldn't fit my ring over my finger), dinner at a restaurant and symphony tickets together.  That said, my favorite anniversary present ever was the year the honey went to the grocery store, and came home with the fixings for steak, hollandaise sauce, and salads.  That aside, if I say to you - Honey, I want a new crock pot for Insert Holiday Here - I actually mean, buy me a new crockpot and put a dang bow on it.  The honey has honestly looked at me and said, I can't buy you a kitchen appliance for said holiday!  News flash...  If I say I want a new crock pot, it's a strong indication that I'd be happy with said appliance for a holiday gift.  

8)  Anything handmade.  I mean, really.  Anything.  Our daycare painted a clay pot, and dipped the Captain's fingertips in paint and placed them on the outside of the pot and sent it home, and I dissolved in to tears once I got it home.

9)   Flowers - Here are my deep thoughts on flowers.  I love them.  My favorite are Gerber Daisies.  It is totally worth figuring out what your significant other's favorite flowers are.  It's also worth not reserving them for special days.  Bring your honey flowers some random Thursday...Let me explain.  If you bring home flowers some random day, just because - well, who doesn't love flowers.  They are pretty, smell good, brighten up a dining room table, and if you bring them home just to make your honey smile, well, I at least will think - hey!  He thought about me.  I occasionally pick up a bouquet of grocery store flower just cause they make me smile.  How would you feel if you knew that every time someone walked past their dining room table, smiled, and thought of you...So I repeat.  Flowers.  Occasionally, just because.  Flowers are also worth purchasing if your significant other is in the hospital for any reason at all.  Again!  Remember these don't have to be florist flowers.  Grocery store flowers are acceptable, as long as they are pretty. 

I guess in closing, if I could ask for one thing, I'd ask for thoughtfulness.  Hugs and I love you's are the best gift.  Also, remember - Flowers.  Just because. 

Memorial day weekend and veggie burgers

This weekend, we went down to Brown County, IN and stayed with my honey's sister and brother in law, and their 10 year old.  It was a really nice time.  We rented a cabin in the woods, hiked a bit, and hung out.  We also visited a Vegan / Vegetarian restaurant in Bloomington IN.  There was a sign on the bathroom door.  I am going to bungle this up, but it said something to the effect of "Current building codes require us to label one bathroom door Men, and one Women.  We realize some of our customers may identify as something else.  Please use whatever bathroom you wish." 

It made me giggle, and realize that I miss Bloomington.  Where else are you going to find bathroom doors making political statements.  I mean, you expect it from the walls, but from the doorway? 

Since I had today off, I cooked!  Because that's what any sane person does when they have a national holiday...  Meatless Monday this week consisted of an experiment in veggie burgers.  I took leftover hummus, mixed it with grated carrots, mushrooms, cucumber, celery and oatmeal, and pan fried it in olive oil.  It tasted quite good, but the structural integrity was lacking.  I think next time, I'll either add more oatmeal (or maybe brown rice), or deep fry the resulting cakes.  Regardless, I think it's time to do some studying for veggie burgers.

Da new Job

As I've mentioned several times, I've recently (Five months ago!) started a new job.  It's been a bit of a rocky road so far - this place has some interesting personnel to say the least - For example, one of my direct reports goes "Squatching" in his spare time.  As you might infer, this involves hiking through the woods, looking for Bigfoot.  Another of the ladies who works in the front office believes that the ghost of her son's friend haunts her house, and occasionally squeezes her rear.  Another of the guys has serious anger management issues and likes to fling wooden pallets across the room.  Then there's the fella who plays drums, and it's ALL he talks about.  He also gets mad if you try to bring up a topic that isn't his drums.  Like work.  And when he's mad, he ignores you rather pointedly.  It's an interesting place. 

Anyway, I've been hired in to a position that has had a lot of turnover.  So there's a lot to catch up on.  It's made for some stressful interesting days.  It's frustrating by turns, and makes me want to tear my hair out.  But what can you do? 

Also?  They sing.  It's a factory.  And they sing.  A lot.  As in, every day I get serenaded by someone different.  And it's not all Metallica, or Pete Seeger songs.  I get songs from West Side Story, or Doris Day, or Radiohead, or The Wheels on the Bus.  The honey thinks they are putting me on to see how far I'll just smile and nod about this stuff.  Today, I heard a Mrs Robinson, and Taxi duet. 

It makes number crunching a whole lot more interesting.

Derby Day!

I do love the Kentucky Derby.  It makes me ridiculously happy to watch 20 some horses run for about 2.5 minutes.  It's exciting.  The horses are always beautiful, and I just love watching the ladies on tv with their hats and color coordinated separates. 

Today our buddy Kevin came over, and watched the Derby with us.  The Captain was a little fussy, I'm not sure if that's because he's got molars coming in, or if it's because we used the ice crusher to make mint juleps.  Hard to say.  But I made the boys wear hats, and we chatted and watched the Derby.  We've hereby declared that this year is going to be the year of adventures.  Each of us gets to pick a location / event.  If it's not too difficult to get there, we are going to try to go. 

Mine of course is the Derby.  Considering we are an hour away, it's kind of a no brainer.  Other thoughts tossed around were comicon, the Gilroy Garlic Festival, or perhaps a wine festival or two.  After all, you only live once. 

But I already have my Derby outfit picked out...  because I happen to have a pale pink suit, and a kick butt Derby hat.  :)

Sunday's deep thoughts

The honey and I are looking for a new house.  Don't get me wrong, I love our house.  It's over 100 years old, it has hardwood floors, lovely woodwork, a nice layout, and a pretty good sized back yard.  It's a nice house.  It also happens to be in a high crime area of the city.  It's kind of a long story how we ended up here.  But suffice to say, the honey and I had never had to call 911 in our lives before we moved in.  Now we don't even flinch when we have to do so. 

It's sad because there are a lot of memories here.  The honey proposed to me in the kitchen.  The Captain (note bene, from here on out, Baby boy is going to be referred to as The Captain) took his first steps here.  I confused the kitty with The Captain.  But, long story short, I don't think this is a place to raise a child. 

Every time I take The Captain for a walk, I get comments from my neighbors.  They are mostly flattering, such as "You taken?"  Or, "Where's your man?"  I usually respond to such sallies with a smile, and an, "I'm married".  In other circumstances, I think I'd be flattered?  In these, I somehow feel like I ought to hurry home and lock the door. 

There's always trash.  Everywhere.  Trash in the streets.  Trash on the yards.  I try to keep it picked up in front of our house.  The local schools are un-good.  Our garage has been broken in to, a bullet has come through our tv room window, and we've had a shoot out down the street.  Twice.

So we are thinking quite seriously of moving.  I still believe that in about 10 years this area will be lovely.  There are enough hardworking good folks around that will make it so.  The honey and I just don't have ten years to wait.   

New job...

The encouraging phone call translated in to new job.  I now have an impressive sounding title, a whole lot more responsibility, and not that much more pay.  But hey, I no longer have to go back and forth from Wisconsin. 

I do miss some of my old office folks though.  The new job has an interesting mix of high school graduates, and Phd's.  I'm one of the few odd professionals out.  It makes for interesting conversations at the water cooler.  Although I'm getting a whole new repertoire of bad jokes - As in - Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his mother in the woods?  Get it?  ...

I can't say I dislike it.  There's been a big adjustment, but the fellas I work with (it's always fellas) have been helpful, for the most part.  As my momma puts it - B's new job is pretty high level, and somewhat stressful...  I think I wanted the responsibility?  

Baby boy is almost 15 months old.  He is walking well, sorta talking, and still generally awesome.  In the mornings, he wakes up and tackles me.  It's one of my favorite things ever.  His eyes are still blue, and his giggle is well, even better than his tackle. 

The honey and I have been discussing theoretical second baby lately.  After baby boy was born, my Dr. told us not to think about it till he was 18 months old.  That's only three months away!  It's a scary prospect.  Baby boy is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade him for the world.  But the idea of second kiddo is somehow more frightening.  It's like all of a sudden we should get a dog and a white picket fence to go along with our prospective brood, and we're not white picket fence kind of people.  Don't freak out here readers - we haven't bought a mini-van yet. To be brutally honest, I'm not sure that second baby is on the horizon.  It's been hard enough for me to work full time with one.  I keep thinking that being a working mom will get easier each day I pack up and head to the office, but I'll be honest.  It hasn't  I hate leaving him every day, even though my mom is the one watching him.  I just keep thinking I've failed as a momma, even though I finally have the job title I thought I wanted.